


Being Naughty is More Fun

by BrandonStrayne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Animagus, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Christmas Smut, Chundering, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 21:57:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandonStrayne/pseuds/BrandonStrayne
Summary: This is a short little one-shot with Sirius as a very bad Santa and Remus as his even naughtier elf.





	Being Naughty is More Fun

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give my sincere thanks to my betas [Drarryismymuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchersn/pseuds/Drarryismymuse) (who is an absolute ANGEL and catches my many, MANY tense slips), [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieMaye/pseuds/OllieMaye), and [Keep_Calm_And_Expecto_Patronum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keep_Calm_and_Expecto_patronum) for the quick turnaround on this. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

“I can’t believe that I let you talk me into this,” Sirius huffed, blowing a stray strand of synthetic hair out of his mouth from the bushy, white beard he was wearing.

“I promise that I will make it worth your while once we’re done here,” Remus whispered, leaning down towards Sirius, where he sat in the elaborate red velour chair that was just this side of qualifying as a throne.

“You’d better,” Sirius threatened under his breath just as a new child was dropped onto his lap by Lily, who was dressed up as the Mrs Claus to Sirius’ Santa.

“Santa, this is Alex, and he says that he’s definitely qualified for the Nice list this year,” Lily said solemnly, before throwing a small grin in Sirius’s direction.

“He does, does he?” Sirius asked, stroking his long, white beard and pitching his voice into a low rumble. “I’d best confirm that with my elf associate here.” Turning to Remus, he asked, “Mr Tiddlywinks, is Alex here on the Nice list? Or has he been Naughty this year?”

Remus was thankful for the liberally applied blush that Lily had given his cheeks earlier, arguing that a proper North Pole Elf should be “rosy-cheeked”, because it provided a modicum of cover for the flush on his cheeks at the double entendre in Sirius’ inquiry, which, fortunately, is completely lost on the squirming blonde child in Sirius’ lap.

“Let me see…” Remus made a show of unravelling a long parchment and scanning it, supposedly searching for the small boy’s name. “Ah, yes, here he is. Alex. Yes, Santa, Alex has been a very good boy this year and is on the Nice list.” Remus rolled the parchment back up and tucked it into the felt belt around his waist.

“Very good. Well, young man, what would you like Santa to bring you as a reward for being such a good boy?” Sirius asked, looking down at the boy, who really was squirming quite fiercely. Sirius’ other hand shot up and caught the boy around the abdomen just as he was about to fall forward and faceplant into the ground. Sirius cast Remus a nervous look and all he could do was shrug back at him—maybe the boy had to go to the toilet?

“I want a Stretch Armstrong doll, and a Micronauts machine, and a...and a…”

The small boy trailed off and Remus watched in concern as the colour seemed to drain out of his face. Remus was just about to kneel down to inspect the child closer when the boy’s head turned toward Sirius and a fountain of chunder shot out of his mouth and coated Sirius’ beard.

Time seemed to freeze as everyone stood stock-still, frozen for several moments before the boy’s mother stepped forward and retrieved her child from Sirius’ lap. “Oh my word, I am so sorry. I think maybe he’s had a few too many sweets. I’m so, so, so sorry!”

Sirius still hadn’t moved, obviously still in shock, but when the small boy turned to his mother and uttered a timid, “Am I on the Naughty list now?”, Sirius seemed to come out of it. He looked up at the small child, now cuddling into his mother’s chest as she held him in her arms, and reassured him.

“It’s okay, little man. This was just an accident. Your place on the Nice list is safe, don’t you worry.”

The frazzled mother mouthed a silent “Thank You” at Sirius and Remus before turning away, rubbing soothing circles across her son’s back and assuring him that he will still get the Stretch Armstrong doll that he had his heart set on.

“Mrs Claus, perhaps now would be the perfect time for a little break?” Remus asked, turning to Lily, who startled and then began nodding vigorously.

“Oh, yes, right!” Lily hastened over to a curtain surrounding a small pen to the side of the Santa’s Workshop that had been set up for their charitable visit. She pulled aside the curtain and there was a chorus of squeals of excitement as she led James through the gate and into the greeting area. The bells affixed to his antlers twinkled with each of his steps.

Sirius and Remus seized their opportunity and slipped through the door to the playhouse that had been set up as “Santa’s Workshop” behind the chair-cum-throne. They could just hear a precocious child arguing that this is a stag and not a reindeer, like Lily had claimed, when Remus closed the door behind them and, pulling his wand out of his tall black leather boots, Sirius locked the door behind them with a  _ Colloportus _ .

Sirius turned the wand around in his hand and offered it to Remus. “Here. You do the cleaning charms. I’m liable to miss some, and this smells dreadful.” Sirius heaved, obviously fighting a bout of nausea of his own, as Remus took the proffered wand and cast a few industrial-strength  _ Tergeo  _ charms at the bushy white beard.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Sirius pulled off the droopy, red crushed velvet hat with a fluffy white puff at the end and collapsed into the armchair that he had conjured earlier, before the assembly line of sprogs had begun. “‘Let’s volunteer at the local school’, you said. ‘The kids will be so excited’, you said.” Sirius ran his hand through the long strands of wavy, white hair that currently arose from his head. “At no point did you mention that one of these little terrors was going to sick up all over me.”

“Sirius, I could hardly have been expected to have predicted that to have happened,” Remus placated. “You know I dropped out of Divination as soon as I could.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus’ joke, finally managing to cross his arms across his chest after an awkward moment of trying to navigate around the much larger belly than he was used to. Remus just barely managed to suppress the grin that wanted to break out at Sirius’ petulant look. Deciding that desperate times called for desperate measures, Remus swished Sirius’ wand around the small space, casting a  _ Muffliato Charm _ over the small enclosure.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked suspiciously, arms uncrossing and resting on the armrests of the chair as he watched Remus glide towards him, mischief sparkling in his gaze.

“I promised you that I would make it worth your while, and it looks like I have my work cut out for me. You know me, I like to get an early start on things,” he purred as he dropped to his knees at Sirius’ feet.

“Moony, come on. I don’t expect you to do anything when I’m...like this,” Sirius gestured to his belly, which was definitely more “jiggly” than it usually was.

Remus reached forward and unbuckled the thick leather belt fastened around Sirius’ rotund belly. “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re fit or fat. It’s what’s underneath that’s important, and that isn’t changed by something as trivial as Polyjuice Potion.” Remus slid his fingers under the elastic band of Sirius’ crushed velvet suit and waited patiently for Sirius to consent.

After a few protracted moments, Sirius lifted his hips up and Remus grinned devilishly before sliding Sirius’ trousers and pants down his thighs, over his knees, and letting them pool at Sirius’ ankles. Remus pushed Sirius’ thighs apart and yanked him forward by the knees, so that Sirius’ round arse was resting on the edge of the chair, his hands grasping the armrests for balance.

Knowing that they didn’t have a lot of time, Remus wasted no time and engulfed Sirius’ temporary prick—shorter, but slightly thicker than Sirius’ true cock—in his mouth. A gush of satisfaction rushed through Remus at Sirius’ moan. His Divination skills may have been nothing to speak of, but Remus had never been happier that he obtained an Outstanding in his N.E.W.T.s for Charms, and the  _ Muffliato Charm _ seemed to be holding strong. He was almost tempted to send Snape a thank you note for inventing that little charm.

Remus was pulled from his thoughts by Sirius’ hands carding through his hair, tugging just a wee bit. Remus moaned at the sensation and was rewarded with Sirius balling his hands into fists, tugging and pushing on his head to speed up the up and down motion of his head on his cock. Remus relaxed the muscles of his neck, letting Sirius take his mouth, dictating their pace.

“Fuck, Remy...I want your arse,” Sirius groaned as he yanked Remus’ head up and off his throbbing cock.

Remus licked his lips and stood, yanking down the tight-fitting, green spandex bottoms of his elf outfit. He handed Sirius’ wand back to him and turned around, bending forward slightly as he waited expectantly for the tingling sensation of the stretching, lubrification, and protection spells that Sirius cast at his arse. Generally Sirius was more of a Muggle-style man in this area, but they were short of time and public enough that brevity was a blessing.

Remus stumbled a bit as he backed up and sat on Sirius’ lap, the taut material of his spandex hosiery tripping him until Sirius slipped his booted feet between Remus’ legs. Remus leaned against the armrests as Sirius held his erection upright, allowing Remus to penetrate himself on the thick length. Despite the stretching spell, the girth took a moment to get used to and Remus threw his head back, sucking in a gasp of breath at the delicious, burning sting of the penetration.

Sirius’ hands encircled Remus’ narrow waist, alternately squeezing and releasing his midsection, the strength of which, Remus was sure, would leave bruises that he would cherish tomorrow. “Merlin, Remy. Your arse feels incredible,” Sirius groaned. “I need you to move, baby.”

The stinging stretch had dissipated and Remus experimentally lowered himself further onto Sirius’ Polyjuiced prick, enjoying the feeling of being filled to the brim. His arse came to rest against Sirius’ groin and he lifted his feet off the floor slightly, letting Sirius’ thick thighs hold up his weight, grinding his arse on Sirius’ fully-engulfed cock, revelling in the feeling of the bulbous glans rubbing against his sensitive prostate.

Groaning, Remus leaned back and placed his hands on the armrests of the chair, giving himself some leverage as he began sliding himself up Sirius’ cock and back down again, torturously slow. He could feel the tips of Sirius’ beard tickle the globes of his arse as he picked up the pace, bouncing on Sirius’ lap.

“Remy, you’re such a naughty boy,” Sirius groaned, his hands firm on Remus’ waist and pulling him down onto his cock.

A shudder rocked through Remus’ body at Sirius’ dirty talk and he balanced on one hand, using the other to encircle a firm fist around his leaking cock and stroke himself. Sirius’ hands slid away from his waist and over the edge of the armchair, his fingers interlaced between Remus’ own. Remus sucked in a quick breath as Sirius’ hand tightened on his own, using the chair to push his hips up and fuck into Remus’ slick channel. He arched his back and held himself steady as Sirius fucked up into him, his cock gliding against the small bundle of nerves inside of him that were sending out sparks of heat to all of his extremities.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Sirius dissolved into a fit of mindless expletives, and then he came, his seed filling Remus.

Remus settled onto Sirius’ lap as he crashed back onto the seat. Remus circled his hips, chasing his own climax as he stroked himself faster and faster. Finally, one final graze on his prostate was enough and he spilled over, his orgasm rocketing out of his twitching prick, drops of creamy, white come landing on the black patent leather of Sirius’ boots. Sirius’ moans of pleasurable pain as Remus’ arse rippled around his oversensitive cock combined with Remus’ own to produce a beautiful symphony of sound.

Just then, the doorknob on Santa’s Workshop jangled and the two shot nervous looks at the door. “Umm...guys. Santa’s services are needed out here,” Lily’s voice drifted through the door.

Remus looked over his shoulder to find that Sirius’ body had morphed back into his own, and they shared a devilish grin.

“We’ll be right out, Mrs Claus,” Remus called, his voice hitching slightly as Sirius’ softening cock slipped loose and he felt his come begin to dribble out of him.

Sirius pulled himself up to sit properly in the chair and Remus stood, took one step, and then pitched forward, landing on his hands and knees in front of Sirius, whose feet were still threaded between Remus’ legs on the far side of his stockings, creating a tripping hazard.

Remus was just taking stock of his current predicament when a loud bark of laughter came from behind him. He twisted around to find Sirius, eyes twinkling and a huge grin on his face. “Definitely on the Naughty list, Moony. We just finished and already you’re begging for another go.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You tripped me, you prat!”

Sirius hoisted the oversized boots up and untangled them from Remus’ stockings before offering him a hand up off of the floor. Sirius took a quick look around and picked up his wand, which had been discarded on the floor, unnoticed during their previous activities. Sirius cast a cleaning charm first at Remus and then at himself, and then the two of them went about setting themselves to rights.

Sirius was just stepping up to the door when Remus stopped him. “Aren’t you forgetting something,  _ Santa _ ?” he asked, gesturing at Sirius’ body.

Sirius looked down at himself and then started patting at the pockets of his bushy jacket. “Oh right! Good catch, Moony.” With a triumphant gesture, he pulled out the silver flask of Polyjuice potion, unscrewed the top, and threw back another mouthful of the revolting concoction. He grimaced at the taste and then, before Remus’ eyes, Sirius’ fit body morphed back into the soft curves of Jolly Ol’ St Nick once more. Remus didn’t even attempt to stifle the laugh as he watched Sirius scramble frantically to loosen the belt, which was now more of a corset in this body.

Sirius scowled at him and it only made Remus laugh harder.

“If you’re quite done, we should get back to the little monsters now,” Sirius huffed, his chin raised in the pretence of dignity.

Remus schooled his features and gestured to the door. “You’re the boss, Santa. After you.”

Sirius threw him a quick grin and then he removed the locking spell on the door and threw it open. “Ho! Ho! Ho! Meeeeeeerrrry Christmas!” he boomed in a deep voice as he strode over to Santa’s chair.

Lily was standing to the side of the door to Santa’s Workshop when Remus emerged a few moments later in a much more restrained style. “Gee, I wonder what got him feeling so cheerful. Any ideas, Remus?” she asked, a sly grin on her face as she watched Remus’ face heat up.

Remus grinned at her. “It must be a Christmas miracle.”


End file.
